I met my deadline and I feel miserable
I produced a good looking newsletter and I feel like shit.
I did what I had to do. And on time. Yet I feel worse than before.
Work is a terrible curse. Not least when like a fool you work hard, and as part of the team, but unlike others in the office - you are doing it for no pay. I am working for this organisation because 'I believe in it' and they have no jobs and I'm a martyr to a cause...
I walked home and found myself incensed and wretched. As I opened the front door to my sister's home, I began to cry. It was 9.30pm and I had been in the office since 10am. I had not stopped for lunch; I had eaten my chewy pork pieces and pasta at my desk like the heathen I am.
I produced the newsletter, and I get a special thank you in the Editorial, but my name does not come in the list of the ICO team, but with the other volunteers. And it hits me: of course, I am not actually 'part of the team' because I am not getting paid.
What an idiot I am; what a sucker. Always working, but with NO legitimacy.
And legitimacy is everything: the paper contract and the pay slip and the mortgage and the rental agreement and the marriage certificate.
I am illegitimate. Only my mother knows I have a birth certificate.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Illegitimacy
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1 comment:
Poor Elly! Work IS horrible, I agree. But here's something to think about: I'm too legit to quit (in the immortal words of MC Hammer) my job, and work makes me miserable. The contract feels like bondage from which I can't escape.
Time for us to stop caring so much about work. Time to start cultivating a poor work ethic. The time you spend away from work is time you could be spending doing other things - like going to a museum and feeding your soul, or applying for something that pays and gives you the sense that you're paid what you're worth.
Love,
P.
P.S. I want to see the newsletter!
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