In Arabic is called 'a lying pregnancy'...
I prefer 'a wishful pregnancy', because I want to write about disappointments with human beings and their relationships.
When I was in Egypt last winter I met some people who everybody claimed were great and fantastic. Usually I am a skeptic and suspicious, but usually also I fall into the trap, mainly because I scold my self for being suspicious!
Things which attract me to such people are my wishful thinking that they are different than other "normal" people and that I could have a rapport with them.
I used to blame myself until lately - some days ago - I came by this fantastic idea (discovery) on phantom pregnancy. Remembering a great unknown African (dead) writer Emos Totola who wrote The palm wine drinker and the woman of the Jungle... gave me some compensation for my misjudments. He wrote such a fantastic opening to a chapter entitled "the gentle man should not be blamed if he is deceived by the beautiful woman". He described the "gentle man" wandering in the market place till his eyes settled on the pretty woman who told him to "follow me" so he did. She led him to the jungle and began disintegrating on the way: first her hands disappeared, then her legs till she became just a moving torso.
I told myself: I am not going to blame my self because I believed in the 'lying pregnancy' or I blocked my doubts…
Those people had been discovered by my favourite writer…
The difference between the woman of the jungle and the other people is that "they" did not disintegrate in front of my eyes; I had to follow them till the end!
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