Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Phantom pregnancy

‎‎In Arabic is called 'a lying pregnancy'...‎
I prefer 'a wishful pregnancy', because I want to write about disappointments with human beings and their relationships.‎
When I was in Egypt last winter I met some people who everybody ‎claimed were great and fantastic. Usually I am a skeptic and suspicious, but usually also I fall into the trap, mainly because I scold my self for being ‎suspicious!‎
Things which attract me to such people are my wishful thinking that they ‎are different than other "normal" people and that I could have a rapport with ‎them.‎
I used to blame myself until lately - some days ago - I came by this ‎fantastic idea (discovery) on phantom pregnancy. Remembering a great ‎unknown African (dead) writer Emos Totola who wrote The palm wine ‎drinker and the woman of the Jungle... gave me some compensation for my ‎misjudments. He wrote such a fantastic opening to a chapter entitled "the ‎gentle man should not be blamed if he is deceived by the beautiful woman". He described the "gentle man" ‎wandering in the market place till his eyes settled on the pretty woman ‎who told him to "follow me" so he did. She led him to the jungle and ‎began disintegrating on the way: first her hands disappeared, then her legs till she ‎became just a moving torso. ‎
‎I told myself: I am not going to blame my self because I believed in the ‎'lying pregnancy' or I blocked my doubts…‎
Those people had been discovered by my favourite writer…‎
The difference between the woman of the jungle and the other people is ‎that "they" did not disintegrate in front of my eyes; I had to follow them till ‎the end!‎ ‎

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