Thursday, May 31, 2007

I am supposed to be completing my application form, and instead I spill this rubbish for you

If the truth, as Raouf says, can never be anything but hurtful and painful and harmful then the truth would alienate everyone.
Or rather that is what I fear and hence my typical nightmare:
I join a group somewhere, amongst which are some close friends. Some situation or incident provokes in me an hysterical response, in which I lash out and upset at least one friend, who I succeed in alienating along, of course, with the rest of the group, who subsequently and righteously turn their backs on me. This is the truth of alienation - it might seem interesting, but it is rarely genuinely desired. Scandalous and anti-social behaviour or displays of rage have been much glamorised and legitimised on film, but for many the fear of exposing themselves in such a humiliating and ugly way is so great, that we choose very carefully the 'embarrassing incidents' we relate publicly; those that we deem to be truly shameful we keep hidden inside where they remain, stupidly, corrosive.
Alienation is the hellfire that one is cast into by others. This is a nightmare I wake up from but I know will reoccur.

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