Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Illegitimacy

I met my deadline and I feel miserable

I produced a good looking newsletter and I feel like shit.

I did what I had to do. And on time. Yet I feel worse than before.

Work is a terrible curse. Not least when like a fool you work hard, and as part of the team, but unlike others in the office - you are doing it for no pay. I am working for this organisation because 'I believe in it' and they have no jobs and I'm a martyr to a cause...

I walked home and found myself incensed and wretched. As I opened the front door to my sister's home, I began to cry. It was 9.30pm and I had been in the office since 10am. I had not stopped for lunch; I had eaten my chewy pork pieces and pasta at my desk like the heathen I am.

I produced the newsletter, and I get a special thank you in the Editorial, but my name does not come in the list of the ICO team, but with the other volunteers. And it hits me: of course, I am not actually 'part of the team' because I am not getting paid.

What an idiot I am; what a sucker. Always working, but with NO legitimacy.

And legitimacy is everything: the paper contract and the pay slip and the mortgage and the rental agreement and the marriage certificate.

I am illegitimate. Only my mother knows I have a birth certificate.

1 comment:

Persephone said...

Poor Elly! Work IS horrible, I agree. But here's something to think about: I'm too legit to quit (in the immortal words of MC Hammer) my job, and work makes me miserable. The contract feels like bondage from which I can't escape.

Time for us to stop caring so much about work. Time to start cultivating a poor work ethic. The time you spend away from work is time you could be spending doing other things - like going to a museum and feeding your soul, or applying for something that pays and gives you the sense that you're paid what you're worth.

Love,
P.

P.S. I want to see the newsletter!